Forgotten Days
by Subishi
Summary: Rei is lost to herself and NERV, considering her life as she finds her way back


Disclaimer: I really don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion, or any of the associated characters, story lines, plots etc.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Notes: Well, I should really start off by saying that this story doesn't have much of a plot. It's kind of just abstract rambling on my part from Rei's perspective. I wrote this a while ago too, but I would really like any R&R you feel like giving. Thanks!  
  
By Subishi  
  
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Forgotten Days 2000, Bird Studio/  
  
1st Day  
  
I woke up. I.can see. When my eyes opened, and I saw the red sky above me, melting into pale blue and gold, the only thought was that I was no longer sleeping. I didn't know anything, and I still don't, a few hours later, but for this journal. I'm writing in it now, but I don't even know if it's mine. Am I "Rei Ayanami," as it says on the cover? I don't know.But I'm not frightened. Something calls me, and I'll go to it. For, I have nothing else to do. Who am I? Did someone make me? And what did they make me for? I know the answers to none of these questions, but I will find the answers. The stars are out.  
  
2nd Day  
  
I wake again. The sky is different, painted with soft pinks and blues. It rained last night, and I know what I look like now. But it doesn't matter. I have to find out who I am; I have to go to the place I see in my dreams, when I'm sleeping. I will run from here.where I was left alone. I don't want to be alone.I have to go now. it's raining again.  
  
3rd Day  
  
I'm running. My body, my mind, my soul, running from there, returning. I can't run anymore, my shoes are worn through, and it hurts to breathe. I have to stop here. The people in the village look at me oddly, maybe because I am physically the total opposite of these small people with dark short hair and deep brown eyes. But they let me stay, let me sleep. Sleep.I know I will dream again, maybe of protecting, maybe of the bandages and plain white walls, or maybe of something new. But I always dream.  
  
4th Day  
  
It's dark. I'm scared. I sit, my knees pulled up, and my head in my hands. I don't know who I am, where I am, why I'm here. It's not fair.Help me.I see flashes of things, faces -- E...Eva's hospital rooms, many rooms, and.myself, alone, not with the other children. They're so close, why can't I go to them? It's all red.All the pictures are red.I have to find out, I have to get to the children, I can't be alone any longer. I don't like red.  
  
5th Day  
  
I feel infected. I'm not scared any more, not really. It's all gone, everything. I don't feel...anything. I'm hurt, I hurt my arm, I can't use it any more. But I'm right handed. My left arm doesn't matter, and pain is a small thing, purely material. I'm close now, I know I am. I keep seeing children, and hearing whispers. Angels.Eva 00.Asuka and Shinji.They taunt me with memories, memories I can't find.  
  
6th Day  
  
Am I here? Have I returned? I'm not sure. Things are slipping away from me. I can barely remember how I got to the place I am now. All I remember is a red sky, and a dark village at night, people staring at me as I pass through.No matter, memories of this time don't hold any importance to me. It's that other time, before, that I want. No one's in this place. There's a certain feeling, a fey beauty, but also a horrible sadness, as if the city itself is dead. The sun is going down, it lights up the windows and warms the cold gray stone all the buildings are made of. There's nothing here, no point in going on.I'll stay here, alone. I have to sit, I lean against the walls, washed in yellow, cold as the vastness of space. I have to sleep again, I have to run to my unconscious, and leave the world behind. The sun has set.  
  
No Date I had to wake up again. I didn't want to, I never want to wake up. I have nothing but dreams of that time I was running towards, but must've tripped some time along the way to. I'm not outside, I was moved. Is this the beginning again? Will I soon forget and have to run, and grow frightened and then devoid of emotions all over again? If that's the case, I will have to find a way to go to sleep for eternity. I cannot run anymore. The room is white, so white, but everything's shadowy, and I'm covered in bandages. Why? I'm not in pain. Or am I? It holds no consequence. All I feel like doing is watching the ceiling. It's white. It's not the same as the sky. But it's the same as me.  
  
No Date I'm awake again, in the same place. There's someone here. It's someone.I know? It's a man, with dark hair, and glasses, that obscure his eyes. He's watching me. I know him. I'm back. I can't see.It's white, black.Only red. A tear. Am I crying? One tear, it's gone, escaped from the hidden sea inside me. The sea is blocked off once more. He stands up, and says simply "Welcome back, Rei," standing quietly, hands clasped behind him. I watch him and respond "I'm back. I don't have to run anymore?" His eyes blinked behind his dark glasses, and he smiled sadly, "No, you don't have to run anymore. Tomorrow we'll start up on training again." With that he left quietly, giving me another soft smile. I don't understand, but maybe he will explain. I'm tired now, I have to sleep. I don't think I'll dream anymore.  
  
No Date I was woken abruptly by a blond woman, torn from my dark haven. She threw an outfit at me, glaring, as if I was the return of a plague she had hoped was gone forever. "Hurry up and get dressed, find your way to the control room afterwards." She abruptly ended her short sentence and left the room, closing the door silently but with the energy of a slam. I slid into the outfit, it was strange but I suppose it must have all been familiar to me at one point, because I knew how to put it on. I looked at myself in the mirror. The white body suit fit my skin closely, with odd pieces and patches of different material here and there. It made me look spectral, as if I wasn't there anymore. The sun entered the room through a window, casting a glow upon me. I brushed my pale blue hair out of the way, stared at my red eyes, highlighted with gold. It didn't warm my skin though, that stayed white. I felt as cold as I looked. I put the clips the woman had given into my hair and walked out of the room. The hallway was dark, but the room stayed lit.  
  
No Date People watched me all day long. They all knew me. I was starting to remember things. But not enough. A boy, who looked like the man in my room, he tried to talk to me. "Rei! You're back! We thought you were lost for sure.Did they find you.?" He trailed off as he stared at me, noting the emptiness that must have been so apparent. I told him I remembered nothing, so what could I talk to him about? "I.Well.Welcome back anyway, see you around." He left, glancing back at me, walking away with two other boys. A red headed girl avoided me, making random rude remarks whenever I passed her. The blond woman was cold, and a blue haired woman ignored me completely. Only the first man paid much attention to me. He told me things. That I had worked for his company, NERV, as an Eva Pilot, and that my Eva was unit 00. He said I had been hurt in a battle, that I had gotten lost and they hadn't been able to find me. Some people are horrible liars. He told me about the Angels that attacked Earth, and the boy and girl, they were Pilots too, his son, Shinji, and the girl, Asuka. So, I ran to fight.  
  
No Date I still don't remember, but that's inconsequential. I know what I have to do, and I do it. I struggle. To beat my opponents, to keep the wall I've put around the sea from breaking down, and to try and keep another wall up, behind which lies red. I'm not sure if the red is good or bad, but either way, it's too much. No one talks to me anymore, only to give me orders. I don't think it matters. I don't know, though. Maybe it does. But there's nothing I can do. Whenever I change into the outfit, I wish I hadn't. I wish I could stay in the outfit I wore when I came here. It was simple; people didn't stare at me as much when I wore it. It contained a part of something that fell off while I was running, maybe ran away, and escaped me when the sea broke loose for a moment. I think I'm in pain. It doesn't really hurt though, it's just there, just an outer manifestation of the things inside me I can't see anymore. And without emotion, any physical pain doesn't hold much consequence. The other kids, they stare at me. I wanted to reach them, once. Now, there doesn't seem to be any purpose in doing that. I sit, and wait, for more fights, more bandages. The white overwhelms the red.  
  
While people spin love  
To make history  
Without such a goddess  
I shall live. 


End file.
